If you’ve been watching the news, you’ve probably heard of big sports stars, politicians, and teenagers getting in trouble for “sexting” outside their marriages.
But what you probably didn’t know is that there are tens of thousands of women and men around the world using simple little text messages inside their relationships to create amazing romance, intimacy and passion literally at the push of a button.
Text The Romance Back?
Relationship expert Michael Fiore created a step by step system for using tiny little text messages to create a private “intimate channel” between you and the man or woman in your life… even if you don’t have much time together (due to kids and jobs) or if your lover doesn’t seem very “romantic” now.
“The great thing about texting is that it’s private and you can do it anywhere” says Fiore. “Just by sending a few tiny little text messages you can ‘wake up’ the romantic center of your partner’s mind… give them a private ‘text massage’, tell them how you really feel, and really create an amazing level of heat… just by pushing a few buttons on your phone.”
Proven To Work On National TV
Fiore was forced to put his money where his mouth is when he was featured on the Valentine’s Day edition of The Rachael Ray Show. Live, in front of millions of viewers, Fiore showed a couple how to use his “romantic texting” techniques to amazing affect. Every woman in the audience sighed and Rachael herself said that Michael gave her “chills.”
In a 2009 Study by marriage counselor, M. Gary Neuman, it’s estimated that 1 in 2.7 men will cheat. These statistics are shocking. Yet sadly most people - men and women alike - still don’t know the real reasons why men cheat. Here’s a hint. It’s probably not what you think.
In fact, in Neuman’s study, 92% of men surveyed said it was not about the sex. “The majority said it was an emotional disconnection, specifically a sense of feeling under-appreciated. A lack of thoughtful gestures.” The real reason men have affairs is to meet their emotional needs. Men long to feel respected, appreciated, admired and wanted. Additionally, they want to feel like they are pleasing their wives. So, are most cheating men having sex with their flings? Of course they are, but the reason they’re doing it is to meet the emotional needs that are not being met in their marriage.
Many people at this point believe the answer is obvious: To keep your man from straying, have more sex! Unfortunately, that’s just not enough. While sex does go a long way to helping a man feel respected, appreciated, admired and desired, it’s not the only thing that matters. He must also believe his spouse feels this way about him in her heart.
If you’re a woman reading this article, you might be asking yourself, “But, what if I’m not feeling these things?” What if you don’t respect him much? What if you really are angry at him all the time and you don’t feel particularly pleased with him? Most women take the approach of letting their husbands know how disappointed they are. This can take the form of nagging, pouting, complaining or even open hostility. Unfortunately, this approach not only doesn’t help the husband improve, it can lead him to seek out someone who does appear to adore, value and need him.
If you’re a man reading this article, you might be asking yourself “How do I get my wife to meet my needs?” especially if she’s acting like the woman just described above.
The real answer for both men and women is to work on the marriage and make it a relationship of mutual satisfaction, affection and love. Every marriage has the potential to be wonderful. If you both put in the time and effort, you will truly appreciate each other and make each other happy assuring that your home, each other and your family is where you want to be every night.
The final post in my series of 7 bad relationship ideas is ‘Thinking Passion, Love and Connection Is Supposed To Fade and Die’
Here’s the deal…
If you have the idea that love, intimacy and even red hot passion in the bedroom is supposed to fade away, even unconsciously, that’s exactly what is going to happen. Especially if you do nothing to keep the relationship alive.
I say…
Passion, love and connection does not have to die.
Believe it or not, it is a choice.
So make the choice that you are going to keep your love alive and then do the things you need to do to keep growing together.
I invite you to become conscious of the ideas and beliefs that you carry in your life…and do something to change them if they aren’t bringing you the life, hapiness and relationship you want
Bob Lampard
So there you have what I consider the 7 bad relationship ideas. If ou have ideas of your own please leave a comment and share them with us.
Sometimes we continue to believe a partner is innocent (or guilty) even when the evidence suggests otherwise.
Unfortunately when you argue against reality, you always lose.
Even though it may take courage to confront an issue either with a partner, or within yourself, and then set a boundary, it is ultimately for your own good and further growth of the relationship.
Stop yourself from making up untrue stories within your mind and imagination and stick to the facts.
How many times have we known that our partner, or indeed ourselves, are not being completely honest? It has happened many times within my relationship and no doubt it has happened to you.
Rather than pretending the problem will go away, or convicing ourselves that what we know is not tru will only cause more hurt and distress the longer we continue along those lines.
Even though it is hard it is much better we confront the issue with our partner. Or come clean and tell our partner exactly what is going on. In this way it can be dealt with before it becomes an unsolvable problem and our relationship suffers.
The fifth in the series of bad relationship ideas is thinking you can change your partner.
Although this has been said many times before we have seen this happen time and time again.
Women marry men hoping they’ll change, men marry women hoping they won’t!
Whether you are a man or a woman it just seems to be human nature that we either want our partner to change in some way, or stay the same and never change (even though they do).
In either case you are arguing against reality and what isn’t there in front of you
While we certainly encourage couples to learn and grow, we also recognize that this desire has to come from within that person.
So, if you want your partner to change, begin to notice and appreciate what’s right and more in line with what you want rather than focusing on what you don’t want.
The fourth in the series of bad relationship ideas is about holding back the truth out of fear.
Do you sometimes find that when you are talking with your partner you find yourself not quite telling the truth because you are frightened your partner will not like what you are saying?
This also happens when your partner asks you a question, most likely in all innocence, and you find yourself giving a little white lie for an answer because you are again frightened your partner will take the truth the wrong way.
We call this “talking on eggshells” and if it’s done consistently , it will most probably lead to resentment, separation and possibly explosions when you least expect it.
If this is a problem for you, one way to start being more authentic is to tune into yourself when you feel yourself stiffen up, talk around a situation, placate, not answer a question directly or any number of ways you might find yourself talking on eggshells
Recognizing what triggers this reaction is the first place to start dealing with it and changing the way you react.
The third in the series of bad relationship ideas is to do with Social Media.
Social Media sites have been growing in popularity for a few years now. Some, like My Space have dropped out of favour and new sites spring up all the time. Others like Facebook and Twitter continue to grow in popularity.
It is tempting to use these sites to air private, intimate details of your relationship or to embarrass your partner.
You may think you are being entertaining if you post intimate details about your relationship or make fun of your partner but what you risk can often be far greater than the feeling you get from being ‘clever.’
So, my recommendation is…before you ever post anything on Facebook, Twitter or any other social media site is to simply stop for a moment. Stop and consider how your post might feel to your partner.
Consider what you are about to post and whether you truly want others to know this detail about your life and your relationship
Bob Lampard
p.s. If you have regretted making posts in the past, or if you have been on the receiving end of a post made by a partner or friend, please leave a comment and tell others how it made you feel.
In my last post I said I would bring you 7 Bad Relationship Ideas to stay away from. The first was believing your problems would go away if you simply ignore them.
Here is the second:
Creating a “Blended Family” and thinking that love alone will overcome all obstacles.
When attraction hits two people they usually believe everything will work out because they are so in love.
However, if there are two families that need to somehow magically blend together in the process, there are usually big problems that can break up even the most loving couple.
Instead of the idea that ‘love will somehow be enough,’ you have to get practical and create ways you both agree upon that gets you on the same parenting page.
Communication is the key, and learning how to do it effectively with a number of personalities and needs in the mix, needs to be a priority if the blended family is going to work.
Please feel welcome to join in the conversation. I would love to hear your tips on how you overcame this problem.
If you’ve ever wondered what happened when things
have been going along pretty well in your relationship
and suddenly, it feels like the bottom just fell out and
you don’t know why…
You’re not alone.
We’ve all been there and felt that sinking feeling that
we don’t have a clue how this disagreement and
separation happened.
When one or both of you get argumentative,
manipulative, shut down, mistrustful, discouraged,
infuriated or whatever happens in your drama…
It’s because of a bad relationship idea–and those “bad”
ideas turn into beliefs that you hang onto for dear life.
Here’s the thing about a belief…
It’s just an idea you’ve practiced over and over–which is
all well and good if it brings you the happiness you want.
But if the belief or idea doesn’t bring you what you want,
then it’s worth looking at to see if you want to start
practicing another idea or belief that might work better.
In my next few blog posts I will bring you 7 bad relationship
problems that you should stay away from.
Here’s number one:
1. Thinking relationship problems will go away if you
ignore them.
They usually don’t. They usually just keep getting bigger
until you HAVE to do something about them or someone
else takes some action that you may or may not like.
The problem comes in trying to decide if something’s
petty and not worth the effort bringing up, or you’ve brought
it up many times in the past and nothing changes…
Or you need to bring it up because it will only get bigger
if you don’t.
A guideline we use is to first look at what you are doing to
contribute to this situation and then speak from that
place inside with the desire to clear up whatever
misunderstanding there might be.
“I can see that I do this to keep us apart. Can we
talk about how we both contribute to this problem
and find a better way to be together?”
Look out for the next ‘Bad Relationship Idea’.
In the meantime if you have a method you
use when you want to clear up
misunderstandings,leave a comment and help others at the same time.
These tips can help you communicate effectively with your spouse:
1. Above all, love each other. Decide that being loving is more important than being right. If you’re willing to concede in a disagreement, you can diffuse many angry situations without them escalating into a major confrontation.
• Notice the warning signs of an escalating discussion. If you’re starting to raise your voice or say hurtful things to your partner, take a walk and cool off. Instead of thinking about all the reasons the other person is wrong, examine the part you might have played in things getting to this level.
• When you return, apologize for your part in the disagreement. Usually, both parties shoulder some part of the blame in an argument. Then, calmly express your feelings.
• Be careful to speak in terms of how things have affected you, instead of pointing fingers at the other person. Think of the discussion as one you would have with a teammate that is trying to solve the problem, and not as an enemy that must be defeated at all costs.
2. Compromise. Many people think that compromise is an ugly word. However, learning to compromise is a valuable key to peace in your home and in your marriage relationship. Decide that you’ll seek a win-win solution in every situation. When you face a disagreement, think about how both of you can get what you want and need.
• If you both give in a little, you show each other that you’re committed to the relationship above all else. You show your love for your partner in a tangible way when you sacrifice a little of what you want for the good of both of you.
3. Listen Effectively. Many disagreements are caused by a failure to listen attentively and empathetically to your partner. If you learn to listen effectively, your arguments will be shorter and your marriage will be a sweet fellowship of two people who love each other.
• When the other person is speaking, resist the temptation to interrupt. Instead of thinking about what you’re going to say to counter your partner’s statements, pay close attention. When your spouse is finished, repeat in your own words what was said. Say, “What I hear you saying is… Is that what you’re saying?”
• This gives your spouse a chance to correct your understanding if you’ve misunderstood what was said. It also shows your partner that you care about solving the problem instead of simply winning the argument. You’ll experience greater emotional intimacy and a quicker resolution that both of you can be happy with.
Strive to embrace difficult conversations as an opportunity to deepen your relationship and show your spouse how much you care. Put yourself in your partner’s shoes, seek a solution that makes both of you happy, and let go of the need to be right. If you do, you’ll experience a vibrant, exciting marriage relationship that survives the tough times and lasts a lifetime.
Bob Lampard
